About a month ago I started having the first of those dreaded wedding nightmares. Remember the nightmares of showing up somewhere and being completely naked? Well, they're sort of like that, except it's a complete compilation of everything you fear could go wrong, actually going wrong. As we chug along on this train called time, and the big day steadily grows bigger and closer on the horizon (how's that for a metaphor?) my nightmares become more real and intense.
The funny thing is, in the dreams themselves, I can feel all of the emotion and excitement that I expect I would feel on my actual wedding day. Then, sadly, bit by bit things begin to fall apart. More interestingly, it always happens at the same Victorian style house. Some of the "tragedies" are people eating the cake, my dress not fitting, my shoes not being done, by bouquet not being finished, people not being there... oddly, in this last one I fell into a kiddy pool, not sure how that relates to actual fears that I have, but knowing my subconscious that probably relates to something.
In the worst of the dreams, I got to the back of the aisle, the doors opened and I saw Will waiting for me at the end. My dress wasn't done in the back, and I had a purple ribbon belt that was flying behind me as I ran down the aisle and jumped into his arms, sobbing. The detail that strikes me the most, is that despite all these other calamities he's still there waiting. The most important thing. It's good to know that even in the midst of all my other fears, I don't doubt him. I suppose, practically speaking, even should all of those other things fall apart, at the end of the day, all I need is him waiting for me at the end of the aisle.
We're getting close to the 200 day mark, which always felt like a big milestone for me. All of a sudden time feels a bit out of control and the days get more cluttered. It's harder to focus on completing tasks that I have given to myself. Things I took on because I was so excited about them. I guess, in the spirit of honesty, that I have been trying to run from them, because the thought of taking on a project whose outcome matters so much to me, and failing, was just too much. So, after a week of running, I finally made myself sit down and cross two items that have been plaguing me off of the list.
I finished the registry (or at least getting it to a point that felt comfortable). Registering has been the least favorite task so far. It's hard knowing what you want, but more than that it's damn near impossible making sure that you have enough options in price for near 150 people. Not to mention knowing how the heck to decorate a future home I do not have/know/have seen... anyway. We have so many things already, that many items are upgrades or things we would never be able to afford for ourselves. And it was hard to figure out what those things were. At the end of the day, I'm just glad I was able to "strap on my lady balls and make a decision" as a very wise woman once said.
Aside from that, I finished addressing our STD envelopes today. I wanted to hand do them, because I knew it was expected of me, but also because I knew I could do a fairly decent job of it. Of course, in true form, I made it much harder on myself. And, yes, there are some that I look at and cringe, but I didn't have too much room for error, and if I would have started over every time I made a mistake I would have run out of envelopes. So, that said, I pushed through. There are 3 guests still on my "I'm not sure if you would even want to come, so why do I want to punish myself with another envelope" list and 5 people whose addresses I had and then lost. Go figure. But I couldn't send out the STDs without the registry being compiled to satisfaction, so I'm glad that this is pretty much an item that can be crossed off.
I will need to stop at the post office and have them weighed, and ask about postage for our Canadian and Brazilian guests, but that's the final step! Then there's some breathing room, at least until the invitation madness begins. It's only a partial DIY project, and we made our final decisions and ordered the supplies a few days ago, so we will be ready to tackle it piece by piece, over a very long period of time. =) Those bad boys don't have to go out until the end of February, so if I can work on them little by little it shouldn't be too painful.
Anyway, like I said, at the end of the day the only important factor is who's waiting for me at the end of this journey. Or, more realistically, as I begin the real journey.