Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Why We Will NOT Be Having A Dollar Dance

This post is going to be a therapeutic one for me, but is about an issue that has been a huge point of contention between myself, my future husband and our families.  The Dollar Dance.

You would think that is such a silly thing to have stress about, but I can tell you in complete honesty, this silly insignificant part of the reception has made me want to curl up in a ball and cry more times then I can count.

Here are the issues:

-Every wedding I have ever gone to growing up had one, and it was my absolute favorite part of the reception because I got to have that special moment with the bride/groom.
-It would give me a moment to spend time with guests more personally then just going around to the tables and saying "hello."
-My family really wants one.
-My side of the family expects this and is coming prepared (apparently this is how people help pay for honeymoons - which is not something I knew).

-Will's family thinks its tacky and has never had one.
-Will has serious anxiety about the thought of having to dance one on one with people he doesn't really know.
-Will does not like to be the center of attention.
-The entire idea makes Will completely unhappy.
-I'm not 100% comfortable with the thought of begging for money from guests that have likely already brought gifts and have traveled near and far to be a guest at my wedding.
-The entire idea makes Will completely unhappy. [this needed to be listed twice, because it's probably the biggest factor]

As you can see from the above, it's sort of a clashing of cultures.  Will and I have both been cornered about this numerous times, by numerous people.  I think the day we announced our engagement we were cautioned to stay away from "tacky and undignified" traditions because our guests would be offended and we would regret it.  No joke.

The funny thing to me, is that the money part of it really isn't a factor at all.  I know that this is a tradition our guests would be familiar with, so I highly doubt anyone would be offended, other than those that will remain nameless, and who have very vocally already addressed the issue.  The part that makes me sad about the idea is not getting to have that time with my guests, since it was so special for me as a guest to experience it.

HOWEVER, the whole purpose of this entire day is about becoming an "US" not an "I."  Therefore, I can't really make a decision to make other people, or even myself, happy, knowing how perfectly unhappy it would make my husband on OUR day.  He is a shy person, and he gets physically ill at the thought of being the center of attention for any length of time (another reason we are keeping our parent dance short and doing it at the same time).  I have to respect this.  I DO respect this.  The last person I want to be miserable is my husband on our wedding day!

So no, there will not be a Dollar Dance at our wedding.  And no, it's not because we were told it was tacky.  And no, I will not regret not having one.  All I want is for our day to be as meaningful and special as it can, and I refuse to ruin it by forcing him to do something that he does not want to do.  Period.  If that means I have to give up something, that's okay because the entire foundation of successful relationships is based on compromise, and there are so many little details he has stood back and let me take control of.  I will give him this.  He deserves to have a say, more then anyone else.  And I love him. So I really can't think of a better reason not to have a Dollar Dance.  And after hearing said reason, I am sure you all agree.  Or, if you don't, then you will at least respect how difficult a decision this was, and understand.


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