Shoe Dazzled!

So maybe I wasn’t the best with the sharing of wedding projects yesterday.  As you could tell I was a little overwhelmed by everything that is going on.  To that end, I did want to share a very large accomplishment with you all.  I finished a shoe!  My right shoe is finished. YAYYYYYY! I know, I know there’s still another one to do, you nay sayers, but after 11 months (or maybe 8 hours in total) one of these is finally done.  And she looks fabulous!  Here’s our photoshoot:

Yay for the Breakfast Club in the Background!

And there you have it.  Righty is allll done!  (Did you see my mom's, I mean, my left shoe in the background.) hahahahahaah

The 5 Month Mark...OR...The Other "D" Word

Holy Canoli! Seriously... 5 months? Didn't I just do the 6 month post like 3 days ago?  Bride brain is in full effect, but it is also in the midst of an epic battle with stress induced procrastination.  That was a mouthful of words.  In a nutshell, bride brain is the equivalent of your brain turning into swiss cheese.  You can pretty much only focus on wedding related things, and everything else becomes some sort of black hole in your brain.  You forget things, like what day it is, that you're cooking dinner, that you should probably go to work in order to pay for said wedding... yea, it's ridiculous.  I think this is a clinical disease.

As it is, I have a weird sense of procrastination.  Actually, let's back up, stress has a weird effect on me.  It can either make me uber paranoid and focused, so that I knock out projects weeks in advanced, just to get away from the stress. OR, as seems to be the case right now, I get these lovely blinders and just completely forget that I actually need to be doing something.  So those 5 hours I spent watching "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" yesterday are a clear indication I have gone down the wrong path.  I wish I was living in my other paranoid world.  At least then I could feel more confident.

I managed to spend about 3 hours yesterday organizing what I jokingly refer to as "Wedding Central," but is really just my Grandma's idea of Hell (read: dusty clutter pile a 'la hoarders).  Okay, maybe it wasn't hoarder status, more like the stock pile definition from Extreme Couponing: "the only thing that separates hoards from stock piles is dust... a very thin line of dust." haha.  I got so overwhelmed just ORGANIZING the supplies for these projects, that I sort of started at everything for awhile and kept finding reasons to wander into the bedroom to play with Scooter.

Anyway, back to weddings.  I feel as though I am constantly hacking away at this to-do list, and the silly thing never seems to go away.  Just this last week I spent about 4 days on our program inserts.  Just formatting and finding the right font, and figuring out how the pagination was suppose to go.  Why did this have to take 4 days?!?!?!

This brings me to a new revelation about myself:  Delegation in not something I excel at. I have figured out why this is.  Actually, let me back up again.  I cringe when I think of passing off projects to other people.  More then once, or twice... people have asked why I don't get a group together to do projects.  Well, I figured out the answer.  It's two-fold.  First:  I worry that they will not care enough to do the projects the way I want them to.  I am not talking bow tying, because a bow is pretty standard, but I do require a certain level of attention to detail.  This mean getting the sticker as close to center as possible.  Or cutting the ribbon the right size. IE: the same size as the other ribbons.

You laugh, but this has happened to me, and I only have a finite amount of supplies and finances, so I am left with projects that are OBVIOUSLY messed up.  Why would I go to all the trouble to work on things myself, just to do a half-assed job?  Its like punishing yourself for caring in the first place.  And I am the only one invested enough to meet this demand, as I have learned.

Second: people let you down.  This is akin to House's mantra "People lie."  It's simply the truth.  I do not believe this out of some mean spiteful place in people, I simply think its human error.  People in their heart of hearts mean to do well, but inevitably, they let you down.  They don't do what they say they will, they complain when you ask them to follow up on a promise, or as I am learning and which is probably the worst feeling of all, they are so envious of your status that they subconsciously begin to sabotage you.  Seriously, laugh if you will.  Just wait until you get married and watch and see what people start to say and do to you.

I think the combination of these two things has me living in constant fear of having anyone other than my future husband working on projects.  I would hand things off if I could, honest, but this bride brained compulsion, mixed with the horrifying truth of human nature has turned me into an OCD Monster.  I just can't let go.  And I just can't trust people.  This makes me incredibly sad.

During such a happy time in my life, I wish there were more people I felt I could lean on and share things with.  But here's the truth they never tell you: people don't care about you and your life (read: wedding) as much as you do.  PERIOD.  They may humor you, but $20 says they're off in their happy place while you ramble on about invitations and the importance of Scriptina v. Mutlu.  (if you know what that is, you have been a DIY Bride.)  Its not that they don't care about YOU, its just... well after hearing you talk about yourself for 4 hours straight, they need you to be their friend too.  And with bride brain, you just don't remember that.

So perhaps this is why my nearest and dearest have gone into hiding.  Or maybe they are simply preoccupied with their own lives (gasp) but the truth is, when I look around, they aren't around me.  I'm not bitter about this, so please don't read this as a complaint.  This is simply something I can come to learn about myself, and my inability to delegate my Hydra.  I wish I could trust in people enough to hand off the equivalent of my baby, but truth is, when I feel like I found a task to share... there's no one around me to lean on to share it with except the person I'm going to lean on for the rest of our lives.  And that's okay with me.  Even if I have to be a stressball for the next 5 months.

If You Like It, Then You Should... Throw Money At It?

Friends, I would like to start this off by saying I officially have 3 readers. Yes! (Hi Justin!!!)

As the days are literally starting to fly by (seriously, its already November... where the the hell did October go?) I find myself spending more time buying things for the wedding, then working on projects.  I am guessing this will be a familiar state for the next 5.5 months (gag... 5 1/2 freaking months... seriously time to get my bride-to-be booty in gear...)

With all of the stress that is just snowballing, it really is easier to say "F-it, lets just pay for it and have it done" then to keep finding ways to make it myself, for less.  Because lets be honest friends, time is money... actually saving time = sanity... which is priceless.

All of that said, there are still 4 major projects in the works.  Finishing up my shoes (which I plan to make huge strides in this evening... haha strides... get it?) starting and finishing my veil, the programs (which require actually having a set schedule and plan... hmmm maybe I should start really thinking about this? you know, because its the part where we're actually doing the whole "I do" thing...) and the favors - which is a mini project and can't be done until March anyway.  Actually, wait, I also have to sit down and assemble and address the invitations... how the heck did that not make it into my list?!?! Side Story: totally ordered the invites yesterday without even sitting down once to think about what the heck they were suppose to say... errr... yes, this is a prime example of wanting to throw money at things so they go away.  Its sort of like an epic game of hot potato, I turn into a utter spaz when the potato (ball?) is in my hands and need to fling it away from me in all haste!

Back to my never ending hydra: I also have not factored in the stupid escort cards... (I only call them stupid because I cannot think of any sort of fun way to do this.  I mean really people... the thought of figuring out where people will sit to avoid potential world wars is just madness... not to mention I don't know who is officially coming... so this is another March project!) I need to finish up the table names and bar signs... oh, and figure out how our guest book set up is going to work, and ask the mister to assemble that madness... [yes there was more money throwing going on here as well...]

Yikes.  See what I mean? Snowballs.  Hydras.  Money.  I think there's an equation there, but I am not entirely certain of how it looks.  Maybe: Hydra = Snowball = Money...

 =

 =

or Snowball + Hydra = Avalanche of Stress + Money.

+

 =

+

Yea, that sounds about right. Poor Piggy...

Anyway, as you can tell from the musings above, I may be getting towards the end of my creativity rope, but that's okay. I just need to follow through on the things that I have in the works, and I think thats doable in 5.5 months (gag! really, the physical reaction to that countdown is just nuts!) but I have a feeling there will be much more money throwing in my future!

Secrets

I've gotten to the point in our wedding planning process where I want to share things you with you dear readers (all two of you... hi Mom!) but, knowing that the save the dates have gone out and a wandering eye or two of some of our guests may find their way here... well, there's some things that just need to be experienced fresh on the day of.  For full impact, ya know?

That, however, has not kept me from plodding along on my ever growing DIY task list.  I may have mentioned a time or two, about the unflagging support of Future Husband and how he helps keep me motivated about the various elements we have decided to take on.

We have began the slow process of piecing together small elements of our invitations.  Tangent: I thought these wouldn't have to go out until the end February but I actually need a final count in the beginning of March, which means my invites have to go out in the beginning/middle of January, with an RSVP for the end of February... YIKES!

We have also decided on the style of our Programs, and I am absolutely dying to share them with you.  They are fantastic, and handmade, and just so so fabulous.  Great keepsakes. However, that is one of the secrets I am forcing myself to keep.

We decided this weekend that it's time to take up our families on their offers of support (granted, some persons have been a little more lackluster than others... one of those "let me know if you need anything... (but please never ask me for help)" situations).  Between the invites and now the programs (and lets not discuss the shoes or veil for now...) there's a lot of little steps that can be knocked out in a matter of hours v. the days it would take us on our own.  As such, we're going to wait for the rest of the supplies to straggle in over the next couple of weeks, and then we'll arrange for a crafting weekend in the mountains.

It will be a semi retreat/project marathon where we can tackle some of these project pieces and perhaps even begin to assemble them.  We may need a few of these, but at this point neither of us want another Bouquet situation...

Anyhoo, enough with the mystery for now.  Can I share an element of these secrets I speak of?  You have to promise you'll act suitably surprised and awed at the wedding... okay.  Here's my most recent computer crafting:

I know, I'm pretty proud of it too! Where is this lovely little element going to appear you ask?  I'll never tell! [at least not for another 171 days!]

Rollercoaster Agenda or A Case of the What Ifs

So I have to apologize in advanced for this post, I've drank quite a bit of wine and was in a pretty stressed out state prior to the wine.  I was hoping it would help me relax, but unfortunately I seem to be a bit more anxious then I started. Arg.

I alluded to the rollercoaster in my last post. In an 18 month engagement the first 12 months feels like the climb to the top.  You're in a constant state of anticipation.  It's sort of like you're waiting your turn to be "actually engaged" because you're wedding's so far away you hear more than your share of the "why are you waiting so long" jokes.  Really, they aren't funny.  You should just keep that one to yourself and go with the "that's such a great time for a wedding" comment.  Goes over a lot better.  You'll thank me for that advice later.

Well... we have gotten to the top.  This is the moment that we've been leading up to.  The moment when you are REALLY engaged.  When all of a sudden you go from having a wedding ages away to just around the corner.  When now, things need and SHOULD be getting done.  I know, in my inner sane self, that many women plan weddings within this period (and sometimes even sooner) but honestly, as a Bride to Be... I don't care about those other women.  Unless I can use their experience and ideas to make my own wedding better that is.  (sorry, but really... other brides know what I mean... its like bridal tunnel vision).  [editors note... typing is getting increasingly more difficult.  I anticipate a series of misspelled words and grammatical errors. You have been warned.]

We have been doing a fantastic job of finding manageable and creative projects to add special and meaningful touches to our wedding.  Honestly, finding things to add isn't the problem.  And Will has been fantastic with helping me accomplish all of my seemingly impossible tasks.  His help has made my estimate completion time seem like a joke.  I love how involved he has been.  This really is our day, and our little touches and hours of brainstorming are really in every bit of our day.  I hope our guests take a moment to appreciate it.  Hell, I hope WE can take a moment to appreciate it.  I am so excited that we are in this part of our lives together.  I try to remind myself to take deep breathes and enjoy it.  Life it rough.  I'm stressed out.  Work is hard.  BUT, I'm engaged.  This is a once in a lifetime state, well... planning for a wedding the first time is, at least.  I want to enjoy all these decisions and projects (and for the most part... closet instance aside I do) but damnit I am tired.  And anxious.  And stressed the F out.  I am soooo tired of worrying about money.  I am tired of worrying about whether my dress is going to fit and if I will look good in my picture.  I want us to look natural and in love.  What if we look awkward?  What if our guests think that our wedding sucks?

And why do I care so much?  Its an endless cycle of crap that circles in my mind.  You show any sign of weakness, and you are devoured by your insecurity.  I wish I could turn the bride brain off for just a few hours.  I want to just be Megan for awhile.  I feel like I have handled my planning process well.  Spread things out and tackled projects well in advanced. But somehow, and I don't know how the calendar pulled this one, time still snuck up on me.

Well, lets just hope the ride down is as thrilling and fun and amazingly fantastic as the last 12 months made me feel like it would be.

Enough drunken complaining for now.  And please don't let the stress fool you.  I am excited, and I want to do all of these projects I've taken on.  I just hope you guys notice these details and I'm not jumping through these hoops for nothing! (who am I kidding... I would do it anyway.)

XOXO (although the SOS I typed on accident also seems appropriate) Wino Megan